Let’s talk relationships. Relationships are like, ice cream flavors, or directions to a location, or even as simple as people. The point being, so many different kinds. They come in different shapes and sizes. There is a different kind of relationship for everyone and not everyone is going to understand it.
What makes a good relationship? Now remember these are just my thoughts but a good relationship takes work on both ends. It is a give and take, talking and listening, and questioning and understanding kind of thing. What we don’t understand, we tend to not like, and I feel that unless there is an actual reason to either feel maybe it is not a good thing for a friend, or loved one how do we trust and or get past what might not make us feel right?
Something you might not know about me is that I am a relationship person. Meaning that I love having to give, take, talk, listen, question and understand. But with that also comes having good intentions for their well being and connecting with people. I have always been like that. Everyone in my family are “people” people, we care and we connect.
The definition of relationship is: the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, to the state of being connected; the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each other.
I have many different scenarios such as friends, co-workers, family, mentors, kids, partner and ex-wife. Besides my family and co-workers the two most constantly active ones to me are my partner and my ex-wife. I have been with my current partner for about 4 years and divorced from my ex for almost 10. Both take work and both deserve respect but are not to be compared.
There are a lot of people that don’t understand how I can or am so close to my ex wife these days and the reason they don’t is because they weren’t part of the journey. It was more ugly than anyone knows and it took a ton of work and forgiveness to get there. She is remarried and has been with her current partner for almost 9 years. The biggest reason we are good is because we share a daughter and well, she is what matters. Now not all divorcees can or will get along because every circumstance is different and should be treated that way. I know people that have divorced because of good, bad, and really ugly reasons. I have always thought it was really cool to see the people I know that are divorced all together because they all moved past the hurt and disappointment. When I would see new couples going to events with their exes I always thought man that’s cool. Years of counseling, a lot of bad words exchanged, and then that final moment when you stop and think “Let it go!” is when it finally happened. Everything happens for a reason and it is out of my control. I only dealt with what I could control.
My partner and her ex-husband are not at the same place. Their journey and work is not the same and it should be treated accordingly. He, to me, is not a nice guy. If I am going to be real and well, that’s what this is for, it is better when they do not talk. He doesn’t help with the kids and the way he talks is just very demeaning and I am not a fan. It doesn’t help involving him and even if he was informed, he just doesn’t show up for anyone but himself. Since the beginning, I have always felt like I have had to compensate for his absence and lack of involvement. I do the hard work and he gets all the credit.
Every relationship is not to be compared especially my partners to mine. I don’t think people go in to marriages or relationships and have kids to just get divorced. These kids didn’t ask to be brought in to this world. I have seen personally that depending on how you react to and handle things can have a very traumatic reaction.
Our kids are watching us and if the choice to leave something toxic then they need to see us continue to keep the things that weren’t good out. If we left something because of hurt or even that of a mutual agreement, then still our kids need to see something positive come out of it.
The relationship I have with my daughters other mother, like I said, wasn’t always what it is now. It literally took years to get to a point where we genuinely wanted the best for each other and knew that the only way to achieve that was to understand that our daughter came first and from that grew a friendship. I totally get that people won’t understand or maybe even like the fact that we are so close now, but I don’t care. It is what’s best for my daughter and just life in general. Its so nice being able to modify our schedule or ask for help when I need it because there is team work.
Being with a partner that has the total opposite with her ex is hard. He doesn’t help in any way. He speaks very derogatory in front of the kids about us and even to us. He only has care when he wants to try to look good or something. He periodically tries to manipulate and get to her with what he says. It really sucks when I am over here giving my all in every way and the appreciation gets wrongly directed. There is no team work which I don’t think there ever could be. He never really helped when they were together.
Because I am so close to my ex, there are times that my current partner gets insecure and angry. I have and try to be 100% open and honest with her because the team we are trying to build is very important to me. Our team work will make Our dream work. Her feeling secure and safe with the relationship and relationships I have or will have is number one.
In conclusion, team work in all aspects of your life will make the dream work. Success is built not by one, but many. What makes your dream work? Are you one that believes changes are good? Is it easy or hard for you to eliminate and decide what is best for you?
Consistently inconsistent 