Why does it have to be so hard

Being left with no goodbye and so many questions is not something I have felt before especially since I didn’t do anything to deserve that. All I want to do is know why we or I wasn’t worth it. Thats what I am left with feeling. It’s terrible.

She just moved on with someone else so quick. Eight years with someone and then no down time just to the next and I mean I am sure it’s just me but how could someone that has watched our relationship just be like yeah let’s go full force. Just some of the many questions.

I know everyone is different and no one’s opinion matters, of course, this is just all my side and my feelings, but how can someone just bounce around without taking time? That makes me feel crappy and like a waste. I know in past post I have expressed how much we have been through together but if anyone really knew the long list of things it would seem crappy.

Today it has been exactly a month since I have seen or heard my ex. This month has been extremely hard and lots of ups and downs. I don’t know how to shake how I feel. Some days are fine and some are bad.

Loving someone still and having to let them go is hard. Life is not fair. And I know my life is not terrible. But what I am feeling and going through right now is like nothing I have felt, so I don’t know how to navigate it all. I never thought I would be here since I was told otherwise.

I keep hearing and reading the quote “ At the end of a relationship there is always one that moves on right away and the other that takes the time to heal”, well that is so true. But when I look back at friends or other people I know that I have seen that with, it is always a certain kind of person that moves on or had someone already to go to.

I am trying to do all the things therapy, writing, self-care, working on my mental health, and trying to feel so I can heal, but I just get stuck with thoughts. I was told so much and believed it and now I am here and well they are trying to create the life I and we wanted. New is always fun and good.

Now please don’t get me wrong I have said it before and will again all I want is for her to be happy, that is all I tried to do. Give the life she deserved and wanted, but it sucks that because of things that we went through it damaged me and became not good enough. It sucks. Sometimes people just want to live with no consequences. With all that I still have love and hurt and just wish I could change it all.

Eight years of memories, love, laughter, hard times, great times, kids, trips, and so much more. I love them all and always will. And I know a lot of people would question this but I would do it all again because to me it was worth it. She was worth it. I know this was all over the place and thank you for following along.