2020 was a rough year for me. Today marks the anniversary of my grandmas passing, which has brought up a lot of feelings that I wasn’t really expecting and I am having a hard time shaking them off. But if I am being honest I am not really sure I want to shake them. I haven’t felt these feelings or a overwhelmingness of feelings I should say. I am a feeler and thinker so I am always somewhere on the scale of high to mid emotions daily. I have had to really work hard to manage them and learn when I can control and need to let happen.
Let’s do a little recap of 2020 so I can help you understand a little more about these feelings I felt I needed to share. I will do a quick list and then break some down. Covid, parents moved out of state, grandmother passed away, brother moved to So.Cal, my girlfriend moved out in to her own place, I had to move out of our house and by myself after a long time, and had to move salon locations.
Covid changed a lot of things, not only for my business, profession, and relationship. My lease was up and had to find a new location to move my salon during it all, along with kept working and allowed my stylists to as well. Covid played a heavy part on my relationship as well. Both being stylists and my allowing my stylists to work while her owner did not was hard financially and emotionally. Along with the kids home for school and so many thing closed we didn’t have the outcome I was hoping for, coming together and getting closer, but instead it was really hard on her and things became difficult.
That March my parents decided to move to Las Vegas. We had talked that December about them thinking about it and well site unseen they bought a house and were on their way. I have never lived far from my parents and even to this day is still difficult for me but also know they need to live their life and do what is best for them. It all happened very sudden and how I remember it I didn’t have enough time from notice to leaving. If I did I would have held them a little longer. Not having them less than 15 minutes away is still hard. No more weekend bbq’s, or dinners, or days with my mom. I miss those days and just being close. I have been feeling lately I need to get better about going to see them and my brother.
April my grandma passed away and the feelings of loosing someone and knowing that yes it will change my life, but the thought of others whose lives will change. My aunt who took care of her for years, my parents, and uncles, and cousins and my brother. I am so thankful for the great memories I have because of her and with her. In that August a few of the family member went to Tahoe and celebrated her life. Sharing memories, and moments, and just being together was much needed and such a blessing. Tahoe was one of her favorites and a place I have so many memories with her and my daughter.
By the end of that summer my brother had moved to SoCal where he loves to be and then I was alone. Over the years we have gotten so close. He teaches me so much and has shown up for me in ways that mean more than I can express. He is a hard worker, a great man and my best friend. We can talk about anything and everything and to have that as an adult with my sibling was something I didn’t know I would ever have. He shows me love and support and I just love his so much.
That September my now ex moved out wanting space and to know if she could do it on her own. Covid had put a lot of stress on things and as hard as I tried I couldn’t stop her. We lived together for 5 years up to that. Three years later things ended and she moved on pretty quick. I was left to clean and move the rest of the things out of the house and had move in to my own place in October. It was hard and I was thankful for the help I had.
In June I moved in to my new salon and had to work under the radar because of covid but was thankful for our clients love and support through it all. We made sure to stay on top of things and keep them and ourselves safe through it all.
I went through the holidays and was trying to figure this new life out and how to navigate it all. I know all the things have had to make me more independent and stronger but today 4 years later something came over me and flooded me in a way I have not felt in a long time and then of course being the thinker I am the years in-between filled up empty space and added to the load of it all. My life has changed so much since then and I know I am a truly blessed person and thank God for that everyday. I have grown and will continue to grow. I know we all have had things we have been through and I have been through more since then but that year SUCKED. It was a lot for me and today all over came back and more and I needed to get it out.
Thank you for allowing me this space to be a place that I can express myself and feel safe doing it. I am grateful for my family , friends, clients, business, and what I get to do everyday. I hope you all have a blessed day.
Consistently inconsistent 