Hi my name is Breanna and I am 42. I have a daughter, a dog, own a business, and love what I do. Dating at this age is new to me and well if I can be honest I am not really sure how to do it. I have watched my friends date and it is brutal. Some of them have luck and some of them get ghosted. Some of them talk to one person and some of them talk to many. I am not only too scared to be out there, but I am not one that will ever talk to more than one.
I have only been in long term relationships my adult life and well that’s the way I like it, but that seems to be hard these days. There have been instances where my friends think they have found the one and then, get this, there are sites out there that people put there person on a site to see if anyone else is dating them, and well hasn’t turned out good for them. These days with social media and all of the apps, and sites it’s crazy.
I am not someone that wants to be entertained by many or wants to do that myself. I like to focus on one and get to know them and everything that they are. Where are those people? Where are the ones that don’t need to be admired by many to boost their ego or whatever it is. Why can’t people commit to one? Why do people think there might always be something better out there? If we focus on what’s in front of us that will show us if they are or aren’t the one.
At this age we all come with, and I am not a huge fan of this word, but, baggage. Now, I know most of us acknowledge that, but a lot don’t know what to do with it. Some do “the work”, some google certain attributes that people display so they can try to identify the challenge, and some just say that’s who I am or who they are. Only we know what works best for us and for me it has been counseling and self work. I will always be someone that will want to help unpack that bag with them. My patients and care is something I have worked on in all relationships.
I am not perfect and will never be perfect, but everyone’s perfect is different and one day my imperfections will be perfect to someone and theirs to me. Understanding that we are human and always changing and growing is what matters. Seeing someone for everything they are in every moment is what love is about. Taking the time to learn, listen, and love all the things that makes them who they are is what unconditional is.
The one thing I do know about myself most confidently and that is never changing is I am made to love. I am made to be someone’s biggest fan in all the ways, to care for, to show love, and to be their listener. I grew up listening, I picked a profession where I listen, and I have learned through it all that by doing that it allows a space for people to feel safe and that is what I choose to be a safe space. Now, I have had some people say I wasn’t listening, but I am always listening to learn. Learning all the little things allows me know how to navigate all the relationships in life. Even with that though I haven’t always made the right choice of knowing when to leave certain situations and well that is a different challenge of mine, I have a hard time giving up on people and things, but that is for another time.
Ok well the point of all of this was when you find the one that you can’t stop thinking about, that you wonder if they ate, drank enough water, had enough sleep, had a good day, or is just taking care of them selves don’t loose that, it is rare and real. I know the only way to find that is to meet multiple people, I guess, but one will always stand out more. Take the time on them, it will be worth it no matter how it turns out. Go slow, take your time understanding them, get to know all the little things, and if they mean something to you tell them. People will come when it is unexpected and every thing is an opportunity and can be something great, don’t waste or ruin it on always trying to find something better, (is that even really a thing) when you can take the time to focus and water something that could be so beautiful.
Consistently inconsistent 