What does protecting our peace really mean? For me, it’s speaking my truth, having those hard conversations no matter what, asking for a safe space in those moments, asking to be heard, and making sure I am doing it with and without love and respect. Now, again, that is for me.
I haven’t always been able to do that. This is something that I am practicing daily. Sometimes it’s writing it, speaking it, or even doing it here. I have in the past and am still guilty of “beating around the bush”, talking in code, or just not being clear in certain moments. When I do that, it is because I don’t feel safe to be vulnerable, which I have a love/hate relationship with because of the outcome, of course.
I in my past as a child and even an adult have felt way too many times that I am not being understood or really heard. That is one of my luggage’s I carry. I fear that opening up will bring judgement or an outcome I wasn’t looking for. I as an adult have learned to try, key word try not to get too much powers to people. That is extremely hard for me being in the past and now still some what a people pleaser.
Being a people pleaser made me want to make sure I say or do what I think the other person or people want to hear. But with years of counseling, I have had to turn my focus to me. What do I need? How do I feel? Will this benefit or hurt me? Will this give me peace? And have I done everything I need to feel good about where I stand? Now, everyone has their limits, and some of us don’t know where or when to let go. That’s fine, but knowing what is good for you is all that matters.
My peace is made with communication, understanding, listening, and marking my list off. I will use this in every situation because I am in a place and time where I have no desire for who and what doesn’t need, know, or is willing to do the work with me if that’s what is needed. Getting things off my chest and out of my head and heart is what works best for me, and when I know I can and am provided that space. I want to give that same feeling back, whether it is a good, bad, or sad outcome.
I have struggled for years with mental health and giving myself peace when it comes to other people and even myself. I am a chance giver, an understand them but what about me person, and a well they have had a hard time so give patience, but what about me? I need and crave people in my life that are capable of giving that in return. And it is hard because these days a lot of people are in this what they call “eras”. The all or nothing, the do unto them as they do to me, the I am the only one that matters, and the there is always someone else willing to era.
Call me old school, but the grass isn’t greener all the time. Sometimes, yes, and I have seen it, but they also have their own for themselves before leaving or giving up. I like to say I have to check my list off for me, for my peace, for my well-being in all areas. Some have been easy, and some extremely hard, but over the years, people have shown me who wants it and who doesn’t. I believe I have said this before in other posts, but I am a fighter and loyal to a fault. However, I have had to learn because I don’t remember being taught how to protect myself and my peace. I want to enjoy life and laugh with my people and make memories, but I won’t and can’t if I am not preparing and protecting myself.
I have also had to realize and understand that life is always changing and coming and going. I have to go with the flow and know my limits. I am going to be honest, sometimes it is hard because these days little people pleaser in me wants to keep everyone happy, but I have also adjusted who I surround myself with so that I feel comfortable in saying no, thank you, I will catch you next time, or I can do some but not everything. It is not easy for me to do that. I have learned to let go and know not everything or everyone is for me anymore, and that is really hard for me.
Life is always changing and not always easy, but we only have one. It might seem long, this life, but it really isn’t. It goes by fast and in reality can be short, so do what makes you happy and feel good about your life, but not at the expense of your peace and truth.
Consistently inconsistent 