My whole life

For as long as I can remember I wanted to me a parent and or an example to the kids closest to me. I have been blessed with many Godchildren that no matter the distance or the time in between would keep me from being there if they needed anything. As we know in 2007 I was blessed with my own child. My world, my heart, my soul, and everything I do is hers.

When she was first born my worries were so different than they are now for her. Some still the same but the different milestones and times in life bring a whole new wave of concerns, hopes, and wants and hopes for her. When she was a baby it was keeping her alive, when she was a toddler it was keeping her safe, when she went to school it was teaching her to be kind and confident, in middle school it was making good choices and knowing there were consequences along with still wanting her to be confident and proud, and now in high school it is a whole different world.

In our life together we have been through some things and most of them we got through it together and I was still looked upon for safety and guidance. I know things are not at all the same for her that they were for me when I was a kid. Although they might be different in the times, there are and will be some of the same struggles. Me as a parent in 2022 is so different than my parents in 1996.

I know I say and feel this daily but I waited my whole life for her, for these and all the moments too makes and be apart of. I consciously try to direct myself either the way my parents and friends did or don’t do. All I want is to be a part of her life. I want to celebrate the big and little things, I want to talk about the small and big challenges. Now don’t get me wrong I know I can’t and won’t be in all of them but I want to be.

I am about to be real vulnerable right now and that is hard because for me I don’t always have a safety net to catch me while I hurt and try to get through things so here I go. For the last two years I have really, REALLY been struggling in so many ways. I will stay focused on my biggest situation though and that is my relationship with my daughter.

My biggest fear as a mother and well as a mother of a daughter with two moms. Although we made sure to be involved and present in her younger years and try to raise her with confidence and realizing that we are not different from other families, she is the only one to decide how to allow kids, people, and her own feelings to control any way she feels.

If I am being honest people can suck. People don’t like or care for things they don’t understand more than they are open and accepting to them. Hurt people hurt people. I can say all the things and looking at how this world is these days you would think that having two moms, two dads, one parent, no parent, and so on would not be such a challenge theses days, but again this world still reacts before it thinks.

Now please know this is all just my feelings and perception on things (just putting my disclaimer out there). I am thankful to have a ex that hears me and tries to help me but if I am still being honest and vulnerable my ex is now with a man and has changed some dynamics. Don’t get me wrong he is great and I am so happy for her and he allows us to be exactly what we are to each other and that is so refreshing compared to her ex, but, yes I said but a whole new bunch of challenge has come up for me. So not only have I felt a pull away from my daughter, half of her life now looks “worldly accepted.” Now I say that because we all know most all people don’t question or dislike and man and a woman together, so now and again this is just me but as a kid there is nothing to be embarrassed about, but then there is me still. Where do I fit in?

Now granted most of my life I have felt that way in every situation but this one is and has really been making me question my whole life. I know you might think that is dramatic, but I love being a mom and being my daughters mom but if I am being 100% transparent my purpose has and is being challenged. I am not trying to be dramatic at all but something has changed between me and my teen and I am not sure when and why. I feel like I don’t know how to talk to her because she does not receive things the same. I feel like I am and will be judged by her instead of heard. Recently her relationship with her other mom has, I feel, gotten closer and the bond we used to have is no longer there. I am looked passed, sometimes not acknowledged, not embraced and our special little connection has flipped.

I try to understand and educate myself, but let’s be real no book or advice out there will be exactly what I am feeling or answer my questions and concerns. I mostly get from people I talk to is that, she will appreciate it when she gets older, she will see what she was given when she has kids, she will realize things when she doesn’t have it anymore, but I don’t want to give so much slack that I loose opportunities to reel her in just a bit.

As an adult, when I look back at my childhood, I recognize and remember the challenges with my parents and the situations and challenges we had were totally different. I didn’t have divorced parents, I had a sibling, and our struggles weren’t the same but we had them. Even though we did what I remember is that my parents always showed up. They were at all my sports, concerts, and involved in my school. For that I am so thankful and now even as an adult they still show up not only for me but for my daughter. One of my biggest take aways from childhood was that and that is what I have made important in my motherhood journey. She doesn’t always acknowledge me at places, or hug me like she means it, holds my hand, or is silly with me when we are alone but I hope that she will remember that I was always there and showed up for everything and cheered for her whether it was cool or not.

I know the teenage years are hard and I am sure with social media and all the influences around our kids these days might think we can’t relate but I don’t feel that is true. Like I said earlier I am sure I am just having all of these feelings and maybe my daughter is having questions but doesn’t know how to ask me. I know she has always been careful to hurt my feelings and very conscious about it but little does she know they are hurting now and I don’t feel seen. I know it is usually the other way.

When we decided to have her it was thought out and understood our life would be about and worked around her. Now no we didn’t plan on divorcing but things happen and changed but the only thing that did not was that she is our number one priority and that is what it is and has been. She is my life, she always has been my life and will always be that. I will work my schedule and day around her because I can and have that luxury. I get get every other week and when I do my week is based around her.

This year will be my last year to drive her to school and pick her up. This year there will be events, and parties, and new hangs with people and I am here for it, I just hope she knows that. I get she is a kid. I get that she is changing and going through things. I get she might think I don’t get it but I do. I know she won’t tell me everything but I don’t want it to be because she doesn’t think I care or that she can’t. I am not her friend but I am her safe place no matter what. I am not here to judge her or say no. I am here to let her know that I love her and know she is human and has a right to choose whatever she does.

I have up to this point done and said and advised and educated all I can for most things, but I will never stop being her number one fan and wanting to be part of her journey however she will allow me. She makes me so proud with school and cheer. I just hope she knows that and that its not not cool to be nice to your parents and say hi.

The value of understanding

I don’t ever remember as a child talking about having kids or even talking about being a kid. Like “I know things are hard” or “Help me try to understand, because it was different when I was young”. I have a 14 year old almost 15 and I am watching the changes. My daughter has two moms and we are COMPLETE opposites. Our daughter is a perfect mix of both of us though. We have been divorced for 12 years but have worked on coparenting the best we can.

My daughter goes back and forth to each other houses every week and has since kindergarten. I have noticed as she has gotten old while somethings have stayed consistent, some things have gotten, I guess you can say frustrating. She packs a small suitcase, a bag, her backpack, and cheer bag. Her clothes situation used to be a lot easier when she saw little, but as she has gotten older they are more expensive so can’t easily be duplicated and is always changing, so it is hard to keep up with.

Now don’t get me wrong I know she can’t stay the little girl that would hold my hand, cuddle me while she slept, think about me all the time and tell me, or want to be with my all the time. But can I try to keep her soft to people, think kindly first before judging, not compare herself to other girls, and teach her to understand that having standards and expectations are a good thing not always a let down. I have always wanted to be a parent and a mentor to kids. Being a kid is tough and even harder now with phones, movies, and just life in general.

I know the out of her moms I am known as the no mom, but I have really tried hard these last few years to be a yes parent with understanding. I want her to have friends and have fun and do things, I really do. I also want to know that she will make the right decisions in hard situations even after a bad decision might have been made. I do NOT want to be her friend I WANT to be her parent that she knows she is safe with and knows that she can mess up and that’s ok.

We do not ask much of her. I feel like we has raised her to be self-sufficient and has always been a helper. I try to do all the things. I am on Instagram, Pinterest, and google to try to continue to educate myself and grow as a parent. I have been creating a play book of parenting for years and I am running out of plays and the teams are harder to beat.

She is my world. She is everything I have ever wanted and every little thing she does gives me the feels. If she freaking rocks it at a cheer I am tearing up. I know it’s like come on Breanna. But she is my world and I just want to enjoy and root her on for everything. I know she has and will make mistakes and that’s fine, I have a ton of my own, but I don’t want her to be alone if she does and or rely on a friend. I want her to keep growing up, I just want her to let me be a part of it.

We won’t have this for ever and it will for ever be changing, I know. I just wish that as hard as they think their life is and how we can’t understand, I wish they understood we are going through the same growing pains and ask for patience. Please don’t take moments and milestones from us because you think you are too cool for school. I want us to be able to look back and remember those things and times together.

Being a parent to me is my most important job and the one that matters the most. IT is the foundation for everything else I did, do , and will do. I want to be able to pass that on to her, the importance of family, love, support, understanding, and that it won’t always be easy but worth it.

“2020”

I don’t even know where to start for this year. I have had many times I wanted to write but I didn’t want to sound super negative but well here I finally am not caring and sharing. I couldn’t even come up with a quote. COVID-19 backward is DIVOC “what DIVOC?”

I feel like I can honestly say that this year was one of the worst with the personal and worldly loss and struggles that were and are still hard to deal with. Notification after notification of people passing, the President doing something, the Governor saying something, violent act after violent act, businesses burglarized, protests, silent protests, I mean the list can go on.

I have a lot of friends that were affected by it but personally, my business was shut down twice for months at a time, fought with EDD, my home was shaken so much that at the end of shut down I am now living on my own, I lost my grandmother, struggling to make ends meet, no school for kids for a few months, then to online school, nothing open, always be limited, and again the list can go on.

If someone asked me how I would describe this year it would be “Control lost and taken.” I lost all control of this year from work to home life. I am now here sitting alone at my table figuring out how to just share my thoughts. The only thing I can control is my thoughts, and well to be honest those have sucked as well. I am nowhere near where I thought I could be at this time of year.

My business moved in June and am still trying to get that groove going and since everyone has had months to work life out differently, I am as well having to work on how my salon functions differently. I do love my new location and always love my team, but am having a hard time trying to support and provide like I have. I am so lucky to love what I do. It was really hard to not be able to see my clients and friends. The stress of losing clients and business was high on the list, but there was nothing I could do. I am thankful to be back and cutting and catching up with my clients new and old.

We are now in freaking October of 2020 and am now trying to build back up my business, help my friends and stylists, getting situated in a place I was not expecting to be, and living alone again, dreading even thinking about getting ready for the holidays and traveling. I know, I know I control my thoughts of how it can all go and well that’s why I am here and trying to get back on a track of forward-thinking. This year has rocked my positivity but I plan and trying my darnedest to end this crap 2020 with hope, light, and trust that there is a bigger and better plan.

I am thankful for my family and friends that have continued to check in on me and support not only me but my business. So far the takeaway for this year is keep on trucking. Although I have lost any control I thought I had of many situations this year, I will regain control of my mindset. Keep your heart kind and your mind open. With all the dispare this year please remember everyone is going through something.

“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”

I know I start this out this way a lot, but it has been a while since I have written. In March of 2020 the world was put on a mandatory SIP (Stay in place). In the fall of 2019, a new flu virus started going around called COVID-19. There is a lot of unknown information about is all such as, when it really started, how it started, who started it, and was it started on purpose.

When it started in March officially schools closed and business had to shut down. My girlfriend and I together have four children, the oldest a jr. in high school and the youngest a kindergartner in between two middle schoolers. For the first month while the schools figured everything out there was no school until after spring break. It was chaos and as if summer came too soon. By the time school was to try and get started back up, by the way school was from home, it was already hard to get the kids up and no way they would start some sort of a routine. Along with school being from home my girlfriend and I where now both out of work. I had to close my salon and the owner of hers did the same.

Now I am not going to lie after about a month and a half off of doing nothing and going crazy at home with everyone I went back to work doing only 3 clients a few days for literally 3 hours. I spread them apart and gave space. My salon is my lively hood and for my job and freedom to be taken was too much. Living in the unknown with no money coming in, not being able to do the things that I like, even as simple going to lunch, coffee, and freaking Michaels for my crafts.

All of the kids graduating, don’t get to walk. The kids promoting 5th, 8th, and kindergarten get nothing. Summer programs being reworked for kids to do at home. Vacations being canceled, and now we don’t even know what school will be like for kids this coming year. I mean anything can change, but one thing that has most definitely changed is our way of life.

May 29th, 2020 salons were finally able to open back up. The feeling of relief for me and my fellow stylist was overwhelming. On May 25th the arresting and passing of another man of color named George Floyd by white police officers brought about riots, protests, and even looting. Now I have been around for a while and have seen some life and world changing things, but actually being a part of it and being an adult with my own child that will some day talk about it hit differently.

All of this has brought so much awareness to me and shed light on the world yet again that changes need to be made. Now I know we all have our feels in these situations and I have heard so many from different types of people for months now. The fact is change needs to happen and I believe it has to do with the systems that run this world and country.

As an owner of a business and someone who has watched my family run business the two consistent changes that happen are from the leaders and how they run things (their systems). When something doesn’t work in my salon or at home the first thing I examine is myself first and then the people I am working or doing life with. Change has to happen, it is growth good or bad but it needs to happen. I was talking to a client this last week and I used the word evolve. Now I use this word and so many others very carefully because people are so sensitive. We have been, will be, and need to be evolving continuously in this world and personally. Life is about learning and changing.

I have never been a huge fan of change but I would say in the last 5 years I have had to learn to understand people are different and that life is always changing. Now don’t get me wrong there should be a safe zone or a point that you find you are in a good place and pace to grow in different ways.

Through it all big, small, comfortable, uncomfortable, publicly, privately, personally, together, world-changing, life-changing, in your control, or out of your control, chose to be kind through it all, to yourself and others. It is easy to react without thinking but maybe try thinking before you react.

Meraki (may-rah-kee): to put something of yourself into your work. Soul.Creativity.Love.

It has been way too long since I have written here. I have started drafts but this one will be post worthy. I don’t know if I would call myself an artist but I am definitely one to be creative and crafty. With that I have been trying to find a word, a creative word, that would describe my passion and purpose.

More then often I let myself get defeated by the negativity that can surround me and in the world. I let it take my joy and question my ability. Being human I look for acceptance and praise in the things I do. I mean who doesn’t. We all want our friends and loved ones to be proud of us and support us. Let me real quick be clear. I don’t really like attention but I do like acknowledgment and support.

I love to use my hands to be creative. Whether cutting hair, drawing, crafting, playing music, writing or working hard I put the same amount of self in each. I feel like I have a lot to share in this world and with that, it is essential to surround yourself with people that encourage creativity and help push your flow. There is so much darkness and ugliness in this world that we have to support the ones we love and encourage them to do and be their best.

I love to write it helps me understand myself. As my thoughts are coming out it helps me to slowly make wipe away the nonsense and see clearly what I am feeling and wanting. What I write will consist of my life and well hello my life is not perfect but could be relatable. It will consist of the people I work alongside, live with, love, and my family and friends. That’s my life, that’s my experiences, that’s my happy, and that’s my tough sometimes. I am tired of being held back because I am worried about how people will feel. This is about how I feel, it’s my blog.

One of the biggest challenges you will run into when you do everything from your heart is that not everyone will believe it, embrace it, or accept it. They will question you, will will call you a fake, or unoriginal. Those who do that are the issue, not you. Not everyone is going to be for you but there will be one. Don’t be afraid to do the things that you love or try something new. Try something you have always been interested in. Whatever you do go full in you will never be disappointed.

“Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things”

I think that most people there can be a love/hate relationship with this quote. Because let’s talk about the reality. We never fully appreciate what we have till it is gone. Its when we loose something like a job, person, family member, friend, or even a public figure in our life that we then start reflecting and focusing on the good and good things there was about it all.

With in the last few years I feel like with social media and everything out there, there has just been so much more darkness brought to surface in this world that I know personally it dims my light. We have every update on danger, tragedy, celebrations, loss, scandal, natural disaster, car crashes, arrests, shooting and so much more literally being updated at our fingertips that at times yes I am thankful so I can know if my loved ones are ok but then in the other hand I am constantly worried about my loved ones because of it.

Why is it only until someone passes do we celebrate and dig deeper to know the good they have done? Yesterday Kobe Bryant along with one of his daughters and seven others were involved in a helicopter crash where all 9 did not make it. All day yesterday there were updates, clips, announcements, stories, and reflections of his life. He was a good man, father, husband, friend, basketball player, and inspiration. We have watched him grow up in front of the cameras facing allegations, scandal, and hardships but we have to remember that he is human. Why is it at the end is only when we realize that. Every day that crap is going on is a bunch of “nobodies” lives and no one cares.

At the end of it all is always the same thing. We hear and receive messages that say “Life is too short, so hold, hug, and love the ones around you even closer today.” Why is it at the end that is said? What if when life is brought into this world, an accomplishment made, a monumental moment, or Ah Ha is made that we say, ” Remember life is short and should always be celebrated and focused on the good and taught to love one another. To not see differences in people but what we all have in common. A heart, a mind, and the endless possibilities that we have when we focus on the good and are taught love.”

Could you imagine the mind set change in this world of darkness if we just loved and lifted each other up. I can’t imagine what everyones families are going through after this loss. My hope for this world is that myself included, we can not always wait for a moment like this to lift up and celebrate the lost but look around and get to know the people around us and that we look up too and celebrate each other now, inspire now, love, now, change now.

” If you can’t speak your feelings, show them. Those that understand you, will understand them.”

Expressing ourselves can be the hardest and most scariest things. Whether you’re telling someone you love them or telling someone you’re hurting, the fear of rejection or being unsympathetic is huge. Hoping that they will love you back or tell you it will be ok can for some can make or break the spirit.

For many, including myself, we keep it inside too afraid of not being understood or even been made fun of. There has been many times I have expressed my feelings and was made to feel stupid or ashamed. It’s a terrible feeling. I believe we get feelings because of a cause and affect. Whether good or bad something brings up a feeling.

This year I feel like there has been a pretty equal push and pull of feelings shown. People have been more well, ballsy about standing up and standing out. With that comes a huge risk, but I think people are just so tired of feeling held back, especially this year. Starting with, honestly having our rights taken from us. Kids, no school, people no work, loosing jobs, business owners having their lively hood taken, I mean and then being told we have to wear a freaking mask on our faces.

A huge fear of mine use to be and still is with how messed up times are in people not liking the way I look, but now I am afraid to cough and sneeze in public. People are crazy!! The looks they give and the things said, I am literally sitting here laughing about it.

I know this year has been and still is crazy but in my whole adult life I think this has been the most action packed year of loss and chaos, fear and cheer, and fights and rights. I am not by any means a loud and proud person but I have my moments. I usually will keep to myself about big issues like politics and religion, I am more of a stand up for people and be kind kind-of gal. I feel like understanding and respecting goes way further than debating and demeaning.

We all have our feelings and have a right to stand up for what we believe, but I think we have lost sight on how to be. This year has shown me that I need to go back to the basics my parents taught me as a child. Be nice, be respectful, love all, cover my mouth, wash my hands, respect my elders, and sit nicely. And yeah the biggest one, if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all.

This year is coming to an end and I have wasted more than I am ok with on doubt, hurt and disappointment. I have control of my day and life no matter what is thrown at me. Yes some days can and will be harder than others but I still have control over those and how I will let them get to me. It’s ok to feel, it’s ok to express how you feel, and it’s ok to be scared to express it, but do it. Show it or say it how you feel comfortable. Speak it, text it, write it, sing it, dance it, or even close your eyes and breathe it. Let it out and let it go, release it some how in whatever way feels right. There is always someone that is listening and that will understand.

“I’ve come to believe that each of us has a personal calling that’s as unique as a fingerprint, that the best way to succeed is to discover what you love, and then find a way to offer it to others in the form of a service, working hard, and also allowing the energy of the universe to lead you.” -Oprah

Heavy-hearted is what I feel when I am carrying feelings and emotions I wish I could share or take away from someone. This last year I have had a yearning to want to be working at my full potential. Meaning I know I am #madeformore and I just feel like I want more. I want to give more, I want to help more, I want to serve more, I want to create more, I want to love more. As I get older and have kids it’s really hard to see this world and how it affects everyone. I want so much for everyone and everything, but I just get so bummed watching the news or even just talking to people. There is so much sadness and it breaks my heart.

I see these kids taking their own lives and I break. I was a kid once and I feel like I can help. I feel like I want to listen and just hold them. I have felt the feeling of being alone, misunderstood, and unwanted. $h!t I even feel that as an adult sometimes daily. Kids are still mean and um hello those mean kids when I was little grew up and well didn’t change.

I deal with bullies daily. I try to keep my head higher and stay strong but I break some days. I never want my kid or kids to feel what I do. I want to raise her and them to be strong but it’s hard. Each child is different and I struggle. I am a sensitive person and well it might not be healthy but tend to shut down when I feel attacked or misunderstood. I want to share all that I have. I want to spread more love and encouragement in this world.

It is scary to think that life at every and any moment can change. When I was younger we didn’t know when it could or would happen, but kids these days have every and any alert and notification at their fingertips. These days we are watching people on social media killing, causing accidents, getting in fights, doing drugs, and bullying all right in front of our face. Kids are being bought and sold at the mall, attacked and killed at school, watching people in pain kill themselves on these platforms that were created in hopes of growth. I know this crap is heavy but this is all the trash and sadness we might be watching our kids or kids we know do on our phones, or computers, or iPads.

I try to teach my daughter if you want to see a change you have to be change. I might not be all the changes I want to be in every aspect but I sure as hell know how to change my thoughts and I sure as hell want to see a change in this world. I believe it starts with us. I am not political out loud nor religious unless I feel I am safe to be, and in most places I don’t. I know and practice in my daily that other people’s opinions don’t matter when it comes to me and mine but I have to remember that as well. So when people say “guns don’t kill people,” duh the people behind the guns do. In order to have a surgery, get married, sometimes get divorced, you have to do counseling yet you don’t have to do crap to buy a gun.

I could go on and on but I will try to contain myself because again it is only my opinion. My point in everything is if we worried more about working on people and their hearts and lives this world could change. If we change our thoughts we can change our lives. We need to feed more positivity, we need more hope. There was a video going around on of course the internet of a coach catching a student with a gun getting ready to take lives and you know how he got that avoided? He hugged him. He embraced him. He told him that he didn’t need to do that. That he was worthy. That coach showed hope and saved lives. A kid at my daughter’s school shows up to fight and possibly have a weapon and the next thing you see is the Principle run across and tackle him. YES YES YES. a cracked rib in place of a life I will take.

Inventory needs to be taken at home and in the workplace of who and what you are surrounding yourself with. Are the people in our lives lifting and spreading good or belittling and breaking people? Are the things we are watching and reading making us better or bitter? Are we teaching and showing our kids that being nice will always be better? Are we involving ourselves in their lives or allowing them to shut the door and engage in whatever? Raising kids these days with all of the outside influences is very hard. We are not the only thing leading them a lot of the time we aren’t even the ones that are even close to leading and teaching.

I don’t want to settle for who is in my life anymore. Young or old. As I have gotten older I have close to no friends and close to never get invited or go out. Sometimes I get bothered by it and sometimes I am glad I am at a different place in my life. I want to surround myself with like people but also people that are doing better than me, smarter than me, stronger than me, kinder than me, and want more than me because those people will push me to be better. I want to be able to have an intelligent conversation and then get silly on a game. I don’t and can’t be blind to the world but I want to surround myself with people that won’t let me think about it but I know would have my back. I want to be able to go to the people in my life and be able to ask advice without judgment but have an understanding. I just want to influence and hopefully show a better option and choice in life.

“Pick your habits carefully. Your future relies on them.”

I know it has been a while. Life has well… been consistently inconsistent. With kids, sports, moving, and only one car, well it has been crazy. But I never stop thinking about wanting to be here and expressing.

So starting October, it is the last 90 days of the year and this is the second year I have participated in being focused on being intentional as I end the year, so when the new year comes I am already ahead of the game. There are these amazing people I follow on social media named Rachel and Dave Hollis and they are just amazing. They do a daily live feed Monday through Friday and starting October, they do the last 90 day challenge. Every week they have a focus topic and well this last week was a great one, Habits.

I think it is fair to say habits can make or break us. Habits shape who we are, and who and how we will be in life. Habits are something that can be passed down, learned, shown, or created. They are simply categorized, I believe, either good or bad, positive or negative.

I am and try hard to be aware of my habits and how they came about. I know I acquired a bunch both good and bad from my parents. I know that when I would hang around certain friends I would gain some of theirs and last depending on my mood and state of being, I would form bad ones if sad or in a hard place or good ones, if I was happy and on point.

Habits are a choice. For me personally, I need to create habits to help me function. I am a creature of habit and I like it most of the time and people in my life know I am, so they know how to work with me. For kids, I think habits are a must from a super young age.

I believe, because I have experienced it, that starting positive habits and routines when young, will help set up for success at older ages and help with adjusting to different things in life. There are some habits you can take everywhere with you that give you a sense of peace and familiarity in a different surrounding. Also teaching how to create good habits at a young age helps them and us to know how and where to start when wanting to achieve things in life. We will know what works, and what doesn’t work for positive growth.

I try as an adult and parent to practice and preach good habits. My daughter was brought up in both homes with habits. With my step kids I try to suggest things I have found work well and might help with flow and growth. Whether myself, or the people around me practice positive habits is really up to ourselves.

If we as parents, to our kids, to our community can create good positive habits that we can all practice with each other can you imagine the kindness that can bloom? Practicing good, positive, or productive habits are going to set all ages up for success in a chaotic world. I strive to create positive habits and lead by example for my kids. Habits ground me they give me a sense of content and comfort. Find what works for you and pass it on, but remember whether good or bad our kids and people around us are watching.

“Team work, makes the dream work.”

Let’s talk relationships. Relationships are like, ice cream flavors, or directions to a location, or even as simple as people. The point being, so many different kinds. They come in different shapes and sizes. There is a different kind of relationship for everyone and not everyone is going to understand it.

What makes a good relationship? Now remember these are just my thoughts but a good relationship takes work on both ends. It is a give and take, talking and listening, and questioning and understanding kind of thing. What we don’t understand, we tend to not like, and I feel that unless there is an actual reason to either feel maybe it is not a good thing for a friend, or loved one how do we trust and or get past what might not make us feel right?

Something you might not know about me is that I am a relationship person. Meaning that I love having to give, take, talk, listen, question and understand. But with that also comes having good intentions for their well being and connecting with people. I have always been like that. Everyone in my family are “people” people, we care and we connect.

The definition of relationship is: the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, to the state of being connected; the way in which two or more people or groups regard and behave toward each other.

I have many different scenarios such as friends, co-workers, family, mentors, kids, partner and ex-wife. Besides my family and co-workers the two most constantly active ones to me are my partner and my ex-wife. I have been with my current partner for about 4 years and divorced from my ex for almost 10. Both take work and both deserve respect but are not to be compared.

There are a lot of people that don’t understand how I can or am so close to my ex wife these days and the reason they don’t is because they weren’t part of the journey. It was more ugly than anyone knows and it took a ton of work and forgiveness to get there. She is remarried and has been with her current partner for almost 9 years. The biggest reason we are good is because we share a daughter and well, she is what matters. Now not all divorcees can or will get along because every circumstance is different and should be treated that way. I know people that have divorced because of good, bad, and really ugly reasons. I have always thought it was really cool to see the people I know that are divorced all together because they all moved past the hurt and disappointment. When I would see new couples going to events with their exes I always thought man that’s cool. Years of counseling, a lot of bad words exchanged, and then that final moment when you stop and think “Let it go!” is when it finally happened. Everything happens for a reason and it is out of my control. I only dealt with what I could control.

My partner and her ex-husband are not at the same place. Their journey and work is not the same and it should be treated accordingly. He, to me, is not a nice guy. If I am going to be real and well, that’s what this is for, it is better when they do not talk. He doesn’t help with the kids and the way he talks is just very demeaning and I am not a fan. It doesn’t help involving him and even if he was informed, he just doesn’t show up for anyone but himself. Since the beginning, I have always felt like I have had to compensate for his absence and lack of involvement. I do the hard work and he gets all the credit.

Every relationship is not to be compared especially my partners to mine. I don’t think people go in to marriages or relationships and have kids to just get divorced. These kids didn’t ask to be brought in to this world. I have seen personally that depending on how you react to and handle things can have a very traumatic reaction.

Our kids are watching us and if the choice to leave something toxic then they need to see us continue to keep the things that weren’t good out. If we left something because of hurt or even that of a mutual agreement, then still our kids need to see something positive come out of it.

The relationship I have with my daughters other mother, like I said, wasn’t always what it is now. It literally took years to get to a point where we genuinely wanted the best for each other and knew that the only way to achieve that was to understand that our daughter came first and from that grew a friendship. I totally get that people won’t understand or maybe even like the fact that we are so close now, but I don’t care. It is what’s best for my daughter and just life in general. Its so nice being able to modify our schedule or ask for help when I need it because there is team work.

Being with a partner that has the total opposite with her ex is hard. He doesn’t help in any way. He speaks very derogatory in front of the kids about us and even to us. He only has care when he wants to try to look good or something. He periodically tries to manipulate and get to her with what he says. It really sucks when I am over here giving my all in every way and the appreciation gets wrongly directed. There is no team work which I don’t think there ever could be. He never really helped when they were together.

Because I am so close to my ex, there are times that my current partner gets insecure and angry. I have and try to be 100% open and honest with her because the team we are trying to build is very important to me. Our team work will make Our dream work. Her feeling secure and safe with the relationship and relationships I have or will have is number one.

In conclusion, team work in all aspects of your life will make the dream work. Success is built not by one, but many. What makes your dream work? Are you one that believes changes are good? Is it easy or hard for you to eliminate and decide what is best for you?