The value of understanding

I don’t ever remember as a child talking about having kids or even talking about being a kid. Like “I know things are hard” or “Help me try to understand, because it was different when I was young”. I have a 14 year old almost 15 and I am watching the changes. My daughter has two moms and we are COMPLETE opposites. Our daughter is a perfect mix of both of us though. We have been divorced for 12 years but have worked on coparenting the best we can.

My daughter goes back and forth to each other houses every week and has since kindergarten. I have noticed as she has gotten old while somethings have stayed consistent, some things have gotten, I guess you can say frustrating. She packs a small suitcase, a bag, her backpack, and cheer bag. Her clothes situation used to be a lot easier when she saw little, but as she has gotten older they are more expensive so can’t easily be duplicated and is always changing, so it is hard to keep up with.

Now don’t get me wrong I know she can’t stay the little girl that would hold my hand, cuddle me while she slept, think about me all the time and tell me, or want to be with my all the time. But can I try to keep her soft to people, think kindly first before judging, not compare herself to other girls, and teach her to understand that having standards and expectations are a good thing not always a let down. I have always wanted to be a parent and a mentor to kids. Being a kid is tough and even harder now with phones, movies, and just life in general.

I know the out of her moms I am known as the no mom, but I have really tried hard these last few years to be a yes parent with understanding. I want her to have friends and have fun and do things, I really do. I also want to know that she will make the right decisions in hard situations even after a bad decision might have been made. I do NOT want to be her friend I WANT to be her parent that she knows she is safe with and knows that she can mess up and that’s ok.

We do not ask much of her. I feel like we has raised her to be self-sufficient and has always been a helper. I try to do all the things. I am on Instagram, Pinterest, and google to try to continue to educate myself and grow as a parent. I have been creating a play book of parenting for years and I am running out of plays and the teams are harder to beat.

She is my world. She is everything I have ever wanted and every little thing she does gives me the feels. If she freaking rocks it at a cheer I am tearing up. I know it’s like come on Breanna. But she is my world and I just want to enjoy and root her on for everything. I know she has and will make mistakes and that’s fine, I have a ton of my own, but I don’t want her to be alone if she does and or rely on a friend. I want her to keep growing up, I just want her to let me be a part of it.

We won’t have this for ever and it will for ever be changing, I know. I just wish that as hard as they think their life is and how we can’t understand, I wish they understood we are going through the same growing pains and ask for patience. Please don’t take moments and milestones from us because you think you are too cool for school. I want us to be able to look back and remember those things and times together.

Being a parent to me is my most important job and the one that matters the most. IT is the foundation for everything else I did, do , and will do. I want to be able to pass that on to her, the importance of family, love, support, understanding, and that it won’t always be easy but worth it.

“2020”

I don’t even know where to start for this year. I have had many times I wanted to write but I didn’t want to sound super negative but well here I finally am not caring and sharing. I couldn’t even come up with a quote. COVID-19 backward is DIVOC “what DIVOC?”

I feel like I can honestly say that this year was one of the worst with the personal and worldly loss and struggles that were and are still hard to deal with. Notification after notification of people passing, the President doing something, the Governor saying something, violent act after violent act, businesses burglarized, protests, silent protests, I mean the list can go on.

I have a lot of friends that were affected by it but personally, my business was shut down twice for months at a time, fought with EDD, my home was shaken so much that at the end of shut down I am now living on my own, I lost my grandmother, struggling to make ends meet, no school for kids for a few months, then to online school, nothing open, always be limited, and again the list can go on.

If someone asked me how I would describe this year it would be “Control lost and taken.” I lost all control of this year from work to home life. I am now here sitting alone at my table figuring out how to just share my thoughts. The only thing I can control is my thoughts, and well to be honest those have sucked as well. I am nowhere near where I thought I could be at this time of year.

My business moved in June and am still trying to get that groove going and since everyone has had months to work life out differently, I am as well having to work on how my salon functions differently. I do love my new location and always love my team, but am having a hard time trying to support and provide like I have. I am so lucky to love what I do. It was really hard to not be able to see my clients and friends. The stress of losing clients and business was high on the list, but there was nothing I could do. I am thankful to be back and cutting and catching up with my clients new and old.

We are now in freaking October of 2020 and am now trying to build back up my business, help my friends and stylists, getting situated in a place I was not expecting to be, and living alone again, dreading even thinking about getting ready for the holidays and traveling. I know, I know I control my thoughts of how it can all go and well that’s why I am here and trying to get back on a track of forward-thinking. This year has rocked my positivity but I plan and trying my darnedest to end this crap 2020 with hope, light, and trust that there is a bigger and better plan.

I am thankful for my family and friends that have continued to check in on me and support not only me but my business. So far the takeaway for this year is keep on trucking. Although I have lost any control I thought I had of many situations this year, I will regain control of my mindset. Keep your heart kind and your mind open. With all the dispare this year please remember everyone is going through something.

“Don’t let other people decide who you are.”

I hear now, more often than ever, that we start to become like the 5 people we surround ourselves with. Are the people around you so hurt from their past that they haven’t and can’t see that they are projecting? Or do you have people in your life that are on a similar path, have similar views, and that strive to be the best version of themselves?

I could sit here and tell you who I am, but you will make your own assumptions and come to your own conclusions reading what I write. By writing we (the writer) allow your mind to make it’s own decision as what to trust and believe. We allow you to be able to question and think what you want about us, our stories and feelings.

When we put ourselves out there whether online or in person, we become vulnerable to the world. People we are not directly intimate with will never really know us. We will have some that will and can relate, some that will be disgusted and judge, and some that want so bad to just feel some sort of connection to something or to someone.

I am not, or at least try not to be one who does things to receive things. I was raised to genuinely care, and give if I can without expecting anything back. I don’t pick and choose who I give that to. I mean, I guess I do, because there are so many that are in need, that I tend to give to those I have crossed paths with or that are currently in my life. What I give is not always tangible.

If I sat here and analyzed why every person came in and out of my life, I would go crazy. I truly believe that there are three types of friends in our life: friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime. I have had many different kinds of relationships, some long and short term, some good and bad, and even some ending in a lesson, but I was always taught to forgive and still care. It is who I am, and I get tired of being questioned by those close to me. How do I justify that my motives are not wrong? How can I be me and make those close to me feel secure? Does anyone else get tired of being judged? Try to remember this quote when you’re looking at how other people have always lived their life: ” Your perception of them is a reflection of you; their reaction to you is an awareness of them.”

I know who I am. I always know my intentions. I know how I was raised, and what the consequences are by my choices in life. How do I find balance? This conversation can branch off in so many different ways, but I am not wanting to get into more than I need other than trying to find balance with trust.

How do we break through without allowing people decide who we are? I mean honestly, we can’t really control that. Perception is created internally, no matter what happens externally. If we occupy our life with people that always question who and how we are, maybe we have to think, do they belong there? By surrounding ourselves with positive things and people in our daily, it will always allow for us to be who we are.

I would love to know what you think, and if there are any situations that have come up where you can relate. I would love to hear from you. Please remember these are just my thoughts and feelings. How would life be if we lived our lives remembering that other peoples opinions of us don’t matter?