Relationships are hard, am I right? I see all of these relationships around me and are any of them even real? I follow a range of people on social media and they talk about how they have hard times and how they got through it, but if I am being honest at times it’s just so hard. It all makes me wonder what the ratio is for a healthy relationship. I try these things in my relationship or try to bring them to the table and sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t.

The last 4 years have not been easy or smooth. I have tried to do the complete opposite of all other relationships. If I didn’t clean, now I clean. If I didn’t cook, now I cook. I fought back, now I don’t. But hello every relationship is its own. This partner is the most different in so many ways. So many differences between us and from how we grew up, our past paths, partners, how we have raised our kids and our kids other parent.

What is one of the most important things you value when with someone? Is it strength, honesty, hardworking, or being taken care of? I look for a partner. I want someone that will see what I bring and will bring the same level. I try to work hard and provide all of their needs. I try to make sure they have what they need. I think about what is needed and make sure they have clothes, toys, and any activity if they choose. If I could lets just say have it “my” way, I would have the kids in sports, have clothes to choose from, we would have a house big enough to all have our own space to escape, and we would care and respect on another. We would all have a better understanding of what each other need, want, and love.

A relationship takes two but really it takes however many people that are involved. Does your partner know what you expect of them? If we don’t share our expectations and standards they won’t know and you won’t know if it is something that will work for each other. Balance is huge as well. What you lack they should bring and what they lack you should bring. Not everyone is a perfect match. What makes things perfect is the work that is done together to be the best for each other and yourself. We have to remember that our pasts aren’t the same and there could be a multitude of challenges you might have to work through, but if the challenges start to over power what could be and there is no growth then things might have to be looked at honestly. There has to be work done on all ends and again everyone involved especially if say the kids are at an age where they understand.

There is going to be hard days, good days, and all over the place days. Communication, compromising, and consistency is important when building a foundation. There has to be push and pull and give and take. A common ground and understanding of each other is a must. When you have a partner and everything is so inconsistent from one end or both that won’t make for a good time. If you’re a dreamer, a planner, or a doer and that is not equally shared, thought, or done then where is the balance for each other? What makes you work? What gets you through the day continuing to love and desire each other? Does the good, great, and amazing, beat the bad, ugly, and down right wrong?

A lot of the times we hear,” they are my best friend!” That is great if they are. You should be able to talk to them about anything without fear of humiliation, judgement, resentment, and it being used against you. It should be the safest place you have. They should be your go too. They should be the first person you want to share something exciting or even sad with. They should be the one that can share your pain, joy, and celebrations with.

We can do all the work, research, reading, listen to all the podcasts, follow all the people that share their journey, but the reality is all that matters is what we do. The work we put in. The things we are willing to give and take. The sacrifices and compromises you’re willing to give. Life really is too short. Know your worth and your partners as well.