Happy New Year!

Every year I don’t do New Year resolutions, I pick a word for the year to set my intentions in all the aspects of my life. Last year my word was Connection. As I went through the year and when it ended, I looked back and reflected on how and if I followed through with my word. I am happy to say I did.

My focus was building Connections with my clients, myself, my friends, and my family. There was a lot of good success in doing this, but there was also some that were lost or distanced. This last year changed in a deep way with the way I look at things and if I am honest, people. It was a heavy year politically, and it really made me look at a lot of people differently and a lot of them are or were in my close circle.

I am not someone that is political, and with that I don’t speak my opinion very often, but I would if I felt I needed too. I chose to sit back and just observe and it challenged my connection with many. So, with that I took my word and used it in the areas that would help me grow and not make me feel so little. These times are heavy and loud. It has made me sad to see some of the posts, comments, remarks, and support things that are close to me. Let me also clarify that we don’t have to have the same views, but I won’t accept intentional disrespect or hypocrisy.

Moving on to this year’s word, which is Intentional. I created my new board, again focusing on all of the areas of my life that I can practice it. Moving through life intentionally will help me think before I speak and react, strategically plan out and prepare my thoughts in work, relationships, and do what might be best for my certain situations. This will also allow me to protect my peace when going through life’s challenges.

I have always tried to move through life leading with love and thoughtfulness. I am not sure if I am successful all the time, but I really do try. Assigning myself a word for the year has helped me slow down my reactions and identify my feelings. Doing this also helps with my self growth which I am always working on. Not everyone will understand it, and that’s ok, the way I move through my life is not for them to understand.

I am hoping that setting myself up for success in my thoughts and intentions I will be able to achieve my goals. I am hoping to stay motivated and focused, but allowing myself a little grace when it comes to my reactions. I am only human and trying to be the best I can in a world of absolute chaos.

2023 is coming to an end!

Well hello! Man I have been reflecting on this year and there are a lot of feelings that it gives me. The holidays are coming and going and before we know it we will be writing 2024. This year has been a year of loss in death and relationships, self realizations, self growth and so much more. From May until now so much has changed in my life and if I am being honest it broke me.

The first loss was my grandpa in May while we were in Hawaii. He was in his 90’s and although at that age we tried to be prepared as much as we could but it was all of the emotions being dealt with that shook me. I have not see my parents grieve much in my life, and both of my parents grieve different. I am not sure if it was just because I was there in the thick of it and seeing it first hand, or if because it was my mom, whom I feel I am more connected to when she is in pain, but man was it hard to experience as a child seeing their mom feeling sadness. There was one other time I saw my mom in a state of so many emotions. The first time was when my dad had a heart attack when he was in Chicago alone.

For those of you that know me are have gotten to know me through here, I am a feeler. When those close to me are hurting or going through something, I can’t help but feel it as well. But in May she lost her dad while we were in Hawaii. Even though you try to prepare yourself for these kind of things, you can never really fully prepare yourself. I won’t go in to details but if I could use one word to describe the emotions around me and what I felt were, well eye opening.

After the passing and getting back from the trip well, I was broken up with and treated pretty ugly and had my birthday shortly after, not to mention we worked together at the time and well she made me finish out the month of June going through it all. Feeling all the things with my birthday, my daughters birthday and what would have been our 8 year anniversary all while having to work till the last day of the month with her, it being so uncomfortable for us all but her in the work place. There was one day I had a straight panic attack, something I haven’t felt in years and never in my work place before. But I got through it and since June 30th I have not seen her since.

Being broken in a way that was “promised” would never happen and when just weeks before so many other things were being said and told to me, took me for a surprise, honestly. Things had been up and down since 2020 when she moved out, but again so many things had been said and promised that at the end of this breakup I will never be the same. I got back in to counseling, deep into the gym, and signed up for some classes, all just to stay busy and find myself again. In those 8 years I dedicated MY LIFE to her. I mean I gave everything and all I had. Like in post in the past you might remember me talking about the kids. She had three, the youngest was 1 when I came in to his life, so I also feel the loss of child along with a relationship.

Being back in counseling has really helped with learning why I have reacted to things in a certain way and what kind of patterns I have continued to live. So since June I made a deal with myself to focus on me for the rest of the year. To grow, change bad habits, work out, and continue to educate myself, all to keep me busy and forward focused. Now, I would be lying if I said it has been easy, because it hasn’t. I have been in tears more than I would like in counseling, and had a few break downs in the gym, but only had to leave twice because I couldn’t get a hold of myself. Morning and nights are the hardest for me. I have also been surrounding myself with new people and people that I know I can be myself with.

thingsI have made new friends and started to go back out doing things I hadn’t done in so long because when we did I never knew how it was going to end. I have started to allow myself to be me again. Although I am not sure if it’s me or a new me because people change in 8 years and lots of trauma and not caused by me. I have reflected on that relationship a lot and I have always been an optimist and even through all of the things I went through I still am. I still remember the love, the laughter, all the good times, all the things we got through for her together and all the memories we made. I still feel the pain but I also still laugh out loud when I think of things or watch a video. Yes, as the kids say “she did me dirty”, she also taught me a lot and showed me a lot. I am still thankful for her and the time we had and even knowing she moved on before we ended I still just want the best for her and for her to be happy. I am not like other ex’s and never will be. We had something special and she was special.

I just finished my classes and am proud of myself for getting through them. There were my hardest yet but I did it and I am SO HAPPY to be done. I have stayed consistent with the gym and have continued to stay focused. With that being said what’s the next step? My friends think I need to get back out there but, I am not sure I am ready. There are things I miss but there is also a lot I am not sure I am ready for. I have been working on self confidence and knowing my worth. I feel I know my worth and what I want and deserve but when it comes down to it will I revert back to people pleasing or stand strong and not be afraid to hold back? Will I be able to break my walls down? Or will I let it crumble down because I am just happy to be there?

I am not sure how to go about things from here. I would love for something to find me organically and not have to do the apps. I hear my friends talk about their internet dating and man it is tough out there for them straight people, who knows what it will be like for the others. I know I will not make it a focus to find someone just to find someone. I know I am ok alone and have a group of friends that make me happy.

I am not someone looking for someone to make my life better and take care of me. I am not desperate to just entertain just anything. I have seen people in my life say and tell WAY to much in the beginning and have seen some be so reserved that the other people wanted more then they wanted to share just yet. I am not some spring chicken anymore but I have learned that I do not have to be a savior to all. I want to be open but I am scared. It is different out there these days. I am not a hook up person AT ALL. This new dating culture is not the scene for me. I can’t talk to multiple people or don’t want to at least. I have never been put in that situation before but just doesn’t sound good to me.

So going in to the end of the year I am proud of myself and trying to allow myself to feel whatever I need to through the holiday. I have a great support system and know that it is ok to feel and think about whatever I need to. I have been practicing not dwelling on the moment but also not getting stuck in it. I am not one for New Year’s resolutions but I do pick a word to focus on. I will be thinking of that soon so I can set my intentions for the year to come. Thank you for taking the time.

My whole life

For as long as I can remember I wanted to me a parent and or an example to the kids closest to me. I have been blessed with many Godchildren that no matter the distance or the time in between would keep me from being there if they needed anything. As we know in 2007 I was blessed with my own child. My world, my heart, my soul, and everything I do is hers.

When she was first born my worries were so different than they are now for her. Some still the same but the different milestones and times in life bring a whole new wave of concerns, hopes, and wants and hopes for her. When she was a baby it was keeping her alive, when she was a toddler it was keeping her safe, when she went to school it was teaching her to be kind and confident, in middle school it was making good choices and knowing there were consequences along with still wanting her to be confident and proud, and now in high school it is a whole different world.

In our life together we have been through some things and most of them we got through it together and I was still looked upon for safety and guidance. I know things are not at all the same for her that they were for me when I was a kid. Although they might be different in the times, there are and will be some of the same struggles. Me as a parent in 2022 is so different than my parents in 1996.

I know I say and feel this daily but I waited my whole life for her, for these and all the moments too makes and be apart of. I consciously try to direct myself either the way my parents and friends did or don’t do. All I want is to be a part of her life. I want to celebrate the big and little things, I want to talk about the small and big challenges. Now don’t get me wrong I know I can’t and won’t be in all of them but I want to be.

I am about to be real vulnerable right now and that is hard because for me I don’t always have a safety net to catch me while I hurt and try to get through things so here I go. For the last two years I have really, REALLY been struggling in so many ways. I will stay focused on my biggest situation though and that is my relationship with my daughter.

My biggest fear as a mother and well as a mother of a daughter with two moms. Although we made sure to be involved and present in her younger years and try to raise her with confidence and realizing that we are not different from other families, she is the only one to decide how to allow kids, people, and her own feelings to control any way she feels.

If I am being honest people can suck. People don’t like or care for things they don’t understand more than they are open and accepting to them. Hurt people hurt people. I can say all the things and looking at how this world is these days you would think that having two moms, two dads, one parent, no parent, and so on would not be such a challenge theses days, but again this world still reacts before it thinks.

Now please know this is all just my feelings and perception on things (just putting my disclaimer out there). I am thankful to have a ex that hears me and tries to help me but if I am still being honest and vulnerable my ex is now with a man and has changed some dynamics. Don’t get me wrong he is great and I am so happy for her and he allows us to be exactly what we are to each other and that is so refreshing compared to her ex, but, yes I said but a whole new bunch of challenge has come up for me. So not only have I felt a pull away from my daughter, half of her life now looks “worldly accepted.” Now I say that because we all know most all people don’t question or dislike and man and a woman together, so now and again this is just me but as a kid there is nothing to be embarrassed about, but then there is me still. Where do I fit in?

Now granted most of my life I have felt that way in every situation but this one is and has really been making me question my whole life. I know you might think that is dramatic, but I love being a mom and being my daughters mom but if I am being 100% transparent my purpose has and is being challenged. I am not trying to be dramatic at all but something has changed between me and my teen and I am not sure when and why. I feel like I don’t know how to talk to her because she does not receive things the same. I feel like I am and will be judged by her instead of heard. Recently her relationship with her other mom has, I feel, gotten closer and the bond we used to have is no longer there. I am looked passed, sometimes not acknowledged, not embraced and our special little connection has flipped.

I try to understand and educate myself, but let’s be real no book or advice out there will be exactly what I am feeling or answer my questions and concerns. I mostly get from people I talk to is that, she will appreciate it when she gets older, she will see what she was given when she has kids, she will realize things when she doesn’t have it anymore, but I don’t want to give so much slack that I loose opportunities to reel her in just a bit.

As an adult, when I look back at my childhood, I recognize and remember the challenges with my parents and the situations and challenges we had were totally different. I didn’t have divorced parents, I had a sibling, and our struggles weren’t the same but we had them. Even though we did what I remember is that my parents always showed up. They were at all my sports, concerts, and involved in my school. For that I am so thankful and now even as an adult they still show up not only for me but for my daughter. One of my biggest take aways from childhood was that and that is what I have made important in my motherhood journey. She doesn’t always acknowledge me at places, or hug me like she means it, holds my hand, or is silly with me when we are alone but I hope that she will remember that I was always there and showed up for everything and cheered for her whether it was cool or not.

I know the teenage years are hard and I am sure with social media and all the influences around our kids these days might think we can’t relate but I don’t feel that is true. Like I said earlier I am sure I am just having all of these feelings and maybe my daughter is having questions but doesn’t know how to ask me. I know she has always been careful to hurt my feelings and very conscious about it but little does she know they are hurting now and I don’t feel seen. I know it is usually the other way.

When we decided to have her it was thought out and understood our life would be about and worked around her. Now no we didn’t plan on divorcing but things happen and changed but the only thing that did not was that she is our number one priority and that is what it is and has been. She is my life, she always has been my life and will always be that. I will work my schedule and day around her because I can and have that luxury. I get get every other week and when I do my week is based around her.

This year will be my last year to drive her to school and pick her up. This year there will be events, and parties, and new hangs with people and I am here for it, I just hope she knows that. I get she is a kid. I get that she is changing and going through things. I get she might think I don’t get it but I do. I know she won’t tell me everything but I don’t want it to be because she doesn’t think I care or that she can’t. I am not her friend but I am her safe place no matter what. I am not here to judge her or say no. I am here to let her know that I love her and know she is human and has a right to choose whatever she does.

I have up to this point done and said and advised and educated all I can for most things, but I will never stop being her number one fan and wanting to be part of her journey however she will allow me. She makes me so proud with school and cheer. I just hope she knows that and that its not not cool to be nice to your parents and say hi.

The value of understanding

I don’t ever remember as a child talking about having kids or even talking about being a kid. Like “I know things are hard” or “Help me try to understand, because it was different when I was young”. I have a 14 year old almost 15 and I am watching the changes. My daughter has two moms and we are COMPLETE opposites. Our daughter is a perfect mix of both of us though. We have been divorced for 12 years but have worked on coparenting the best we can.

My daughter goes back and forth to each other houses every week and has since kindergarten. I have noticed as she has gotten old while somethings have stayed consistent, some things have gotten, I guess you can say frustrating. She packs a small suitcase, a bag, her backpack, and cheer bag. Her clothes situation used to be a lot easier when she saw little, but as she has gotten older they are more expensive so can’t easily be duplicated and is always changing, so it is hard to keep up with.

Now don’t get me wrong I know she can’t stay the little girl that would hold my hand, cuddle me while she slept, think about me all the time and tell me, or want to be with my all the time. But can I try to keep her soft to people, think kindly first before judging, not compare herself to other girls, and teach her to understand that having standards and expectations are a good thing not always a let down. I have always wanted to be a parent and a mentor to kids. Being a kid is tough and even harder now with phones, movies, and just life in general.

I know the out of her moms I am known as the no mom, but I have really tried hard these last few years to be a yes parent with understanding. I want her to have friends and have fun and do things, I really do. I also want to know that she will make the right decisions in hard situations even after a bad decision might have been made. I do NOT want to be her friend I WANT to be her parent that she knows she is safe with and knows that she can mess up and that’s ok.

We do not ask much of her. I feel like we has raised her to be self-sufficient and has always been a helper. I try to do all the things. I am on Instagram, Pinterest, and google to try to continue to educate myself and grow as a parent. I have been creating a play book of parenting for years and I am running out of plays and the teams are harder to beat.

She is my world. She is everything I have ever wanted and every little thing she does gives me the feels. If she freaking rocks it at a cheer I am tearing up. I know it’s like come on Breanna. But she is my world and I just want to enjoy and root her on for everything. I know she has and will make mistakes and that’s fine, I have a ton of my own, but I don’t want her to be alone if she does and or rely on a friend. I want her to keep growing up, I just want her to let me be a part of it.

We won’t have this for ever and it will for ever be changing, I know. I just wish that as hard as they think their life is and how we can’t understand, I wish they understood we are going through the same growing pains and ask for patience. Please don’t take moments and milestones from us because you think you are too cool for school. I want us to be able to look back and remember those things and times together.

Being a parent to me is my most important job and the one that matters the most. IT is the foundation for everything else I did, do , and will do. I want to be able to pass that on to her, the importance of family, love, support, understanding, and that it won’t always be easy but worth it.

“2020”

I don’t even know where to start for this year. I have had many times I wanted to write but I didn’t want to sound super negative but well here I finally am not caring and sharing. I couldn’t even come up with a quote. COVID-19 backward is DIVOC “what DIVOC?”

I feel like I can honestly say that this year was one of the worst with the personal and worldly loss and struggles that were and are still hard to deal with. Notification after notification of people passing, the President doing something, the Governor saying something, violent act after violent act, businesses burglarized, protests, silent protests, I mean the list can go on.

I have a lot of friends that were affected by it but personally, my business was shut down twice for months at a time, fought with EDD, my home was shaken so much that at the end of shut down I am now living on my own, I lost my grandmother, struggling to make ends meet, no school for kids for a few months, then to online school, nothing open, always be limited, and again the list can go on.

If someone asked me how I would describe this year it would be “Control lost and taken.” I lost all control of this year from work to home life. I am now here sitting alone at my table figuring out how to just share my thoughts. The only thing I can control is my thoughts, and well to be honest those have sucked as well. I am nowhere near where I thought I could be at this time of year.

My business moved in June and am still trying to get that groove going and since everyone has had months to work life out differently, I am as well having to work on how my salon functions differently. I do love my new location and always love my team, but am having a hard time trying to support and provide like I have. I am so lucky to love what I do. It was really hard to not be able to see my clients and friends. The stress of losing clients and business was high on the list, but there was nothing I could do. I am thankful to be back and cutting and catching up with my clients new and old.

We are now in freaking October of 2020 and am now trying to build back up my business, help my friends and stylists, getting situated in a place I was not expecting to be, and living alone again, dreading even thinking about getting ready for the holidays and traveling. I know, I know I control my thoughts of how it can all go and well that’s why I am here and trying to get back on a track of forward-thinking. This year has rocked my positivity but I plan and trying my darnedest to end this crap 2020 with hope, light, and trust that there is a bigger and better plan.

I am thankful for my family and friends that have continued to check in on me and support not only me but my business. So far the takeaway for this year is keep on trucking. Although I have lost any control I thought I had of many situations this year, I will regain control of my mindset. Keep your heart kind and your mind open. With all the dispare this year please remember everyone is going through something.

“Mostly it is loss which teaches us about the worth of things”

I think that most people there can be a love/hate relationship with this quote. Because let’s talk about the reality. We never fully appreciate what we have till it is gone. Its when we loose something like a job, person, family member, friend, or even a public figure in our life that we then start reflecting and focusing on the good and good things there was about it all.

With in the last few years I feel like with social media and everything out there, there has just been so much more darkness brought to surface in this world that I know personally it dims my light. We have every update on danger, tragedy, celebrations, loss, scandal, natural disaster, car crashes, arrests, shooting and so much more literally being updated at our fingertips that at times yes I am thankful so I can know if my loved ones are ok but then in the other hand I am constantly worried about my loved ones because of it.

Why is it only until someone passes do we celebrate and dig deeper to know the good they have done? Yesterday Kobe Bryant along with one of his daughters and seven others were involved in a helicopter crash where all 9 did not make it. All day yesterday there were updates, clips, announcements, stories, and reflections of his life. He was a good man, father, husband, friend, basketball player, and inspiration. We have watched him grow up in front of the cameras facing allegations, scandal, and hardships but we have to remember that he is human. Why is it at the end is only when we realize that. Every day that crap is going on is a bunch of “nobodies” lives and no one cares.

At the end of it all is always the same thing. We hear and receive messages that say “Life is too short, so hold, hug, and love the ones around you even closer today.” Why is it at the end that is said? What if when life is brought into this world, an accomplishment made, a monumental moment, or Ah Ha is made that we say, ” Remember life is short and should always be celebrated and focused on the good and taught to love one another. To not see differences in people but what we all have in common. A heart, a mind, and the endless possibilities that we have when we focus on the good and are taught love.”

Could you imagine the mind set change in this world of darkness if we just loved and lifted each other up. I can’t imagine what everyones families are going through after this loss. My hope for this world is that myself included, we can not always wait for a moment like this to lift up and celebrate the lost but look around and get to know the people around us and that we look up too and celebrate each other now, inspire now, love, now, change now.

“Don’t let other people decide who you are.”

I hear now, more often than ever, that we start to become like the 5 people we surround ourselves with. Are the people around you so hurt from their past that they haven’t and can’t see that they are projecting? Or do you have people in your life that are on a similar path, have similar views, and that strive to be the best version of themselves?

I could sit here and tell you who I am, but you will make your own assumptions and come to your own conclusions reading what I write. By writing we (the writer) allow your mind to make it’s own decision as what to trust and believe. We allow you to be able to question and think what you want about us, our stories and feelings.

When we put ourselves out there whether online or in person, we become vulnerable to the world. People we are not directly intimate with will never really know us. We will have some that will and can relate, some that will be disgusted and judge, and some that want so bad to just feel some sort of connection to something or to someone.

I am not, or at least try not to be one who does things to receive things. I was raised to genuinely care, and give if I can without expecting anything back. I don’t pick and choose who I give that to. I mean, I guess I do, because there are so many that are in need, that I tend to give to those I have crossed paths with or that are currently in my life. What I give is not always tangible.

If I sat here and analyzed why every person came in and out of my life, I would go crazy. I truly believe that there are three types of friends in our life: friends for a reason, friends for a season, and friends for a lifetime. I have had many different kinds of relationships, some long and short term, some good and bad, and even some ending in a lesson, but I was always taught to forgive and still care. It is who I am, and I get tired of being questioned by those close to me. How do I justify that my motives are not wrong? How can I be me and make those close to me feel secure? Does anyone else get tired of being judged? Try to remember this quote when you’re looking at how other people have always lived their life: ” Your perception of them is a reflection of you; their reaction to you is an awareness of them.”

I know who I am. I always know my intentions. I know how I was raised, and what the consequences are by my choices in life. How do I find balance? This conversation can branch off in so many different ways, but I am not wanting to get into more than I need other than trying to find balance with trust.

How do we break through without allowing people decide who we are? I mean honestly, we can’t really control that. Perception is created internally, no matter what happens externally. If we occupy our life with people that always question who and how we are, maybe we have to think, do they belong there? By surrounding ourselves with positive things and people in our daily, it will always allow for us to be who we are.

I would love to know what you think, and if there are any situations that have come up where you can relate. I would love to hear from you. Please remember these are just my thoughts and feelings. How would life be if we lived our lives remembering that other peoples opinions of us don’t matter?

Let me introduce myself…

“Work hard until you no longer have to introduce yourself.”

In order for you to really want to know more about me and my life, let me share who I am with you. I am a salon owner, partner, mother, step-mother, daughter, sister, artist, photographer, lover of music, and people.

My biggest accomplishment in life so far I feel is my daughter. Although she is at an age right now that, well, I am having some challenges with, she is the best part of me. Me and my daughters other mother divorced over 9 years ago. It wasn’t always easy but we have come a long way and worked hard to heal and understand what is left and well, I am happy to say she is remarried, I have been with my partner for the last 4 years , and for the last year my ex has worked at my salon as a stylist. I know it is not for everyone to understand but my daughter is happy and all of us get along.

Staying on accomplishments, my next biggest is my salon. Abeille Salon opened in 2010, and although I am not famous and serving the celebrities, I am extremely proud of all of the stylists I have had and currently have the honor to work alongside with. I have grown up watching my Dad run his company for the last 19+ years, and how he has treated his employees, and created a name for himself. It has always fueled me on how I want to be. I have created a work family. We all get along (most of the time I did say family), we support each other in our work and personal life, and we respect each other as stylists. My dad has always been one of my main mentors. He and his business are now requested because he worked hard to make a name and was good to people. I have been doing hair for 18 almost 19 years and I love it. Sure there are some days, especially when I have to wear my boss hat, where it feels like work, but most days I get to do what I love, where I love, and with people I love. We get to be day makers.

A little about my family. My parents have been married for 45 years and from that came my brother and I. My dad has been many things but for the last 20 years he has been in hospital construction. My mom was a dietician for many years, but has been retired for awhile, and last my brother is, literally, the jack of all trades, but his main job is and has been ministries and is currently at Bayside Church. I have grown up watching hard times, tough decisions, loyalty, commitment, and sacrifice from my parents. I was raised to give, share what I can, to lift up those around me, and to love all. I was taught to have a soft heart, and hard shell. I was also taught to trust in God and know that He is the one that provides.

Now for my personal life. I will talk more about it in future posts but I will give you the gist now. I met my current partner 19 years ago at a party and obviously we went our separate ways and lived our lives until about 4 years ago when she reached out to come and work at my salon. We reconnected and well, here we are. She came in to my life with 3 kids. Her oldest is 15, middle is 13, and youngest is 5. 1 girl and 2 boys. Her and I come from extremely different pasts and how we were raised. With that, our kids have been raised differently and to be honest, it has been hard at times and a lot of feelings of uncertainty in so much. It has not been easy and there have been a lot of ups and downs. We are so very different and came in to this relationship each with a lot of baggage. Like I said it has not been easy, and in the short time we have been through a lot, but what relationship doesn’t, right?

Well I hope that this introduction has provided information that will keep you sticking around to find out more in details about everything I have shared.

Freedom of speech…

“Creativity is intelligence having fun.” -Albert Einstein

I know, I just jumped in so let me just take a minute to explain a little more behind the motive of me starting this blog. I am not even really sure I can call it that but with all the research and books I have been reading, that is what they call it.

I am new to all of this, but have had a heavy feeling on my heart for a while and well here goes nothing.

I wanted to start this “blog” as a platform for me to download my thought and feelings in a safe, yet public space, kind of like a journal open for comments and feedback. I would like this space for all ages and for any gender. My hopes are to share my stories and spread positivity in hopes someone can relate and know they are not alone. I don’t know if my story or feelings will be relatable with anyone or any age but I need to try.

I feel like I can relate to kids going through things in life and to adults just trying to get through the day. If I can reach, relate to, or even remind someone of something good then this might just work. Life is hard and with everything there is now that wasn’t around when I was younger makes it even more hard and honestly kind of depressing.

Please remember that these will be my thoughts and feelings. I am not a big politics person, I will never push religion on anyone, and I love inspiring people. I might speak of my thoughts and beliefs pertaining to both but that is because I can.

In the next one I will share more about me and my life. If you know someone that might be interested in getting to know me or need someone indirectly please share.