I usually like to keep to myself about certain things, but I have been building up a lot of frustration, and well it is kind of making me want to withdraw. I don’t know if this will help but it might. I am not someone that tends to put a lot out there, such as my sexuality, politics, beliefs, or opinions on certain things. Now, let’s be real you can look at me and probably have a clue on my sexuality if that is your thing, but when it comes to everything else people are always surprised but the others most of the time.
I am not a republican, but also not sure about the others. I believe in my higher power and that is the only one who can judge me at the end. I am a lesbian and yes believe I was born this way. And last, unless asked I know my opinion doesn’t matter because it’s mine, I just don’t feel the need to share it unless it is wanted. Maybe in time I will go in to more detail on those but this blog is about what I have been struggling with these last few days.
This last presidential election was the first time I ever really felt anything. I woke up sad and heavy. Now, there have been times throughout that I have continued to wake up that way, but this last weekend was the Super Bowl and that next morning I woke up super heavy and disappointed. Let me be clear though it is not because of what you think. The game was eh, but the halftime show was AMAZING. I am Puerto Rican and Panamanian, so watching Bad Bunny perform, hit me in a way that made my heart so happy. What I was disappointed in was the divide that was created. For another so called “halftime show”, which, come on people, to be shown and how things were made so political broke my heart and made me see even a little more clearer the feelings I already had. I attended a Super Bowl party, which was great until then. I see division in so much but to feel it first hand, going to be honest changed me a bit.
I know not a lot of people read this especially my friends, but at this point what does it matter. I have a right to have my feelings and express them, since they do ALL the time. The separation that happened at the party broke me just a bit more and made me think about a lot of other things. I do not have the same political views as most of my friends, and I usually try to look past it but, it is getting harder and harder for me too. Amongst my friends also my family. I called my family a few days later and hesitated to even ask but, they very quickly made clear they didn’t watch the Bad Bunny halftime show. If I am being honest that made me angry, and if you know me I am not one that gets angry. That is my Puerto Rican side. I grew up listening to music I had no idea what was being said, but it never stopped me from enjoying the beat and later learning Spanish because it is part of my family history and even present. Hearing person, after person, after person be so upset that he sang in Spanish and didn’t understand it felt like the dumbest thing I ever heard. I grew up dancing to Spanish music, to my grandparents speaking Spanish and teaching it to us, I was taught my family values by my hispanic family because of the culture, and that made me proud. I could go on and on, but I will stay focused.
Like I said before that I try to look past my friends and families different political views, but the posts, the comments, the reshares, and dialogue used by them makes me want to pull away a bit. Some could and I know would say, “oh you are being to sensitive”, ” you don’t have the right information”, “you believe everything on social media”, and on and on, but what I do know is right from wrong, kindness from bullying, and safe from sacred. If you think watching an American perform in his beautiful first language, his popular hits, and share the story of our culture and history is wrong then it is not me who is to sensitive, not me who believes everything on social media, or, doesn’t have the right information.
I know people that are dealing with everything going on first hand that are affected by things politically and belief wise. This last year I have been exposed to so many new things. People from different backgrounds, lifestyles, culture and beliefs and, can say I am here for it. These times have made it really hard for so many, and the way things are being handled, or justified, and exposed is only getting worse and that makes me sad. I usually like to keep to myself and just keep quiet, but I am kind of over it.
Although these are tying times and honestly sad and embarrassing, I will continue to keep my core values and beliefs. If that makes my outings less, my circle smaller, and my interactions different, but still staying kind, open and guarded at the same time, and leading with love then I will keep pushing through. My purpose is to show and be love, to be caring and create a safe space. I will not become judgmental, but also won’t just accept everything. I won’t become hard hearted when people are needing compassion.
If we are lucky enough to have a new day we are given another opportunity to do better and think before we speak, be considerate before we act, and remember that everything we do will have a consequence, everything we post or share will forever be out there, that our kids and younger generation is watching us. I know we all have the “right” to say what we want, feel what we want, do what we want, support who we want, because we have “rights”, right? So with that proceed through daily life while reminding yourself of that.
Consistently inconsistent 